How to Look 10 Years Younger
Toss those
women’s magazines and stop taking those Facebook quizzes. I have proven data to
guarantee you will look 10 years younger!
I scientifically
formed a hypothesis, “How old do I look?” and then I carefully collected those
responses to my hypothesis to ensure the accuracy, quality and integrity of the
data. First, I chose a simple random sample of women that met me and knew me 30
minutes or less. Second, I asked them, “How old do I look?” For my research to
be considered valid, I took appropriate care and diligence in the allocation of
controls. My simple random sample consisted of 3 women. The acquired
knowledge from my sample responses (all three woman responded, “35 years old”)
supported my theory. My theory: I look ten years younger than my actual age. My
actual age is 46.
So, how can
you achieve the same results and look ten years younger?
Follow these
TEN simple tips:
1. Kids. Do not
have kids until you are in your mid to late 30’s. Really! Go enjoy your
twenties -- and your thirties. When you have kids later in life, no one
questions your age when you take your toddlers to the playground.
2. Friends. Say
goodbye to the old, and bring on the new, younger friends. I mean, you can
certainly text or message your oldest, dearest friends from your childhood, but
dear God, do not go public with them.
3. Depends.
Nothing gives your age away faster than the leg cross. When going out with your
new, younger friends, wear a reliable incontinence barrier -- heck, pack a
bunch in your handbag -- and laugh freely.
4. Hair. It is
certainly important to cover up those grays. However, style is a subtle
giveaway. Go to the hippest salon in town, choose the youngest stylist and go
with it. Listen and follow their advice -- don’t go home and completely give up
on your new style, even if you’ve always parted your hair to the left, don’t do
it!
5. Sunglasses.
Those laugh lines may be able to tell great tales of sunny days on the beach
and fun adventures with friends, but to a younger person, they are like rings
on a tree. A trendy pair of dark glasses should be worn at all times.
6. The uncontrollable wisp of hair. I am not talking about the upper lip or the extended
sideburns. It is a stray, completely independent, and a destroyer of facades.
It juts out from mid-cheek, center of forehead, or end of nose -- an
abomination that can poke out at any moment -- and requires strategically placed tweezers in
your purse, desk at work, and car.
7. Conversation.
The following phrases should never be used in conversation: “When I was a
kid…”, “During the 70’s and 80’s, we would…”, and “Before cell phones…”
8. Ailments. Blow
your knee out playing with the kids? Surgery to repair a slipped disc? Carpal
tunnel? Keep it to yourself! Discussing and comparing maladies is the talk of
older ladies.
9. Boobs. The sag
of your boobs is an indicator of age. Invest in a well-made bra that elevates
your chest to a higher altitude -- for the larger breast, go underwire and for
the smaller breast, go padded. The more money you spend, the younger you will
look.
10. Social Media.
Know it, love it, and embrace it.
It is
indisputable scientific fact! You can look ten years younger just by following
these ten easy fixes. Try it today! Be 35 again -- or ten years younger than
any age!
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